Friday Thinkings

It's been a while since I've written anything on the Internet. You know why?? IT'S FEAR!! I get wrapped up in thinking about what people might expect me to say. "Well, Katie, you claim to be a comedian, but this Facebook status was a little more thoughtful than it was funny. I'm unfollowing you and YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT, YOU SELF-OBSESSED UNFUNNY PERSON." (That's what everyone thinks, right?!?!)

Regardless of how many people even care what I'm saying (literally mostly my mom and my ex-landlord), being afraid doesn't work for me. I'm not going to find my voice by looking for it or waiting for it to show up, I'm going to find it by using it! So I'll use it here, where I have the right to use it because the URL is literally my name. I paid for this space. This Square Space. Squarespace is great. I love it!! DOES THIS COUNT AS ME HAVING AN AD? CAN I PAY YOU LESS?

ALSO, I realized today that I used to fantasize about taking a yoga class in the middle of a weekday without feeling rushed or guilty about it. And that is something I now DO! I am living my wildest dreams! 

Thanks for reading, Mom and Larry. 

I'm Still Here!

June 10, 2016

I seem to have taken an unintentional 6-month hiatus from blog-posting. Dumb excuses: The longer you put something off, the harder it seems to do; AND the more you have to write about, the less time you have to write it. OH WELL! I'm BACK! Here's a highlight reel of the past 6 months:

• We ushered in 2016 with no cooking gas in our apartment! There was a gas leak that they couldn't find/fix so they shut off all the gas for the entire building for 3+ months. We knew it was bad when they gave every resident a free hot plate and started hosting "Hot Plate Express Pizza Nights" on a biweekly basis. #bringyourownchair

It was like camping!! ...in our apartment...in the city...in the winter.

I didn't attend any of these pizza nights, but I'd like to think they looked like a middle school dance where no one wants to talk to each other, but they do to be polite and to get more pizza. Do you get pizza at middle school dances? I bet. Pizza is SO middle school, amiright?!

• The winter was FINE. IT DID NOT BREAK ME. I COULD HANDLE ANOTHER WINTER.

The snowstorm "Jonas" was very cool! I was a little bummed to find out it doesn't always snow that much. I think I was confusing New York for the midwest.

This is our snowman "Jonas" of course.

On Valentines Day weekend it was 3° outside and Eric made us an ice skating rink on our balcony! It was the best Valentine's Day ever! Also, Eric had no idea it was Valentine's Day.

• VISITORS! I love living in New York because people want to come VISIT ME!! We had a great time with my parents, Michelle & Chris, and Eric's parents visiting NYC! The weird thing about having visitors is feeling like you're on vacation, but then you realize you're at home and you need to keep living your life. The cool thing about having visitors is having an excuse to do cool new things! For instance, we had our first, second, and third dinners in Little Italy with our visitors! #carboloadingfornothing

Yeah mom & dad!

Yeah Judy & Ray!

Yeah Michelle & Chris!

• I quit all my OT jobs! Yeah!
• I've done some acting things! Yeah! Here's one of the weirdest:

I played Nancy Reagan on "American Likbez," a Russian TV show about American history. (I know...what?!) They're devoting several episodes to the American presidents where the Russian star Victor Topaller (pictured here) portrays a different American president every week. This is the scene where Nancy Reagan (me) falls in love with Ronald Reagan (Victor)--you know, that pivotal moment in US history. Right before we started shooting, the female producer mentioned that Victor sometimes says inappropriate things with the actresses. His catch phrase was, "Now is time for the bedroom scene?" To which I replied, "We're shooting on a green screen so maybe this will be a bedroom scene." I found out later he has the nickname "Russian Limbaugh." When he wasn't making inappropriate sexual remarks, he made conversation by explaining how Obama was ruining our country. Anyways, I got $75 for 3 hours of work.

• I started running a biweekly standup show! If we're Facebook friends, you're probably thinking "YEAH KATIE, WE KNOW!!" Please also know that every time I promote a show on social media, my inner monologue is "Please don't hate me for doing this I hope I don't look self-obsessed."

Speaking of being self-obsessed, here's a picture of me doing stand up!

• BARKING: It's part of what I do to get audience members for my stand up shows. Barking is when I walk around the village (which sounds very quaint) and ask people if they want to go to a free stand up show. I'm pretty friendly and I love talking to strangers, so fun things happen when I'm barking! Last week, a couple propositioned me for a threesome. I thought they were joking so I played along and then they were like "no but really" and I was like "no but really come to my standup show" and they were like "no" and I was like "no for me too." Wednesday night a guy asked to take a picture with me "because he had a feeling I was going places." This MIGHT have been because I was wearing my glasses and I look a little like Tina Fey (who has already gone many places), but I'm going to take this as positive feedback from the universe! Someone wants to use iPhone storage space on my face because he has a good feeling about me! COOL!

Thanks for reading! Most important takeaway: come visit me and I'll take you to eat yummy pasta.

A Leap in Review

January 1, 2016

I ushered in 2015 weeping over a bottle of Korbel stuck in the classic paradox, "I'm not crying because I'm drunk, I'm crying because I'm broken!" Despite being surrounded by loving friends and family, I felt like I was at the bottom of a very deep and dark hole confronted with the uncomfortable question: "Who am I living for?" My parents? Unrequited lovers? OT clients? My bank account? The bathroom scale? Trader Joe's Cookie Butter Ice Cream?! I didn't know exactly what the answer was, I just knew I definitely wasn't living for me.

On January 1, 2015, I made the decision to quit my occupational therapy job by August so I could focus more of my energy on acting and comedy, which was a tough decision considering how much I hate disappointing people. Thankfully, my boss made it pretty easy on my first day back from the winter break, clairvoyantly asking, "Katie, do you need to talk to me about something?" I guess I'm not very good at being mysterious or elusive. So, I told her I'd be leaving in August, after directing SunKids Summer Camp of course, because obedient Katie couldn't fathom giving any less than 7 months notice.

Making this job-quitting decision seemed to fuel the increasingly insistent and persistent voice in my head saying, "Remember you promised yourself you'd move away some day when you're an adult? You're an adult now! Move somewhere new! Have an adventure!" So I decided to move to New York and convinced my boyfriend of four months to move with me. This is how that went: "Hey, Eric. I think I need to move to New York this year. Do you want to come?" "Yep!" Easy. Then I told my parents I'd not only be moving but I'd also be living with a boy. Not as easy. We don't need to get into it.

So I did it! I quit my job and moved to New York! Of course it hasn't just been the overly-glamorized social media-depicted joy ride that might look like from the outside. There have been plenty of downs amid the ups, including:

• Sporadic just-moved cries:
  • On night 1 when Eric didn't put his arm around me walking around Harlem in the dark even though he never puts his arm around me.
  • On day 2 in the middle of Target in the Bronx when I asked Eric if he was hungry and he said no and I was hungry but I didn't want to say I was hungry if he wasn't, but I was really hungry.
  • On day 3 when we had to do a bunch of public transporting to the airport and it was hard.
• Discovering that it is VERY easy to find an OT job in New York and accidentally finding 3 part-time jobs, then having to quit one of the jobs, triggering my "don't disappoint people" anxiety.
• Realizing all the "mosquito bites" I was getting were actually bed bug bites! This was horrible, but is now officially resolved, so please don't be afraid to hug me.
• Sleeping on an air mattress for 3 months, partially due to fear of buying a mattress in case of lingering bedbugs.
• Springing a tiny leak in said air mattress--a leak small enough that it was impossible to find for 3 days but big enough to make me wake up angry and engulfed every morning.
• Over-inflating and exploding two sections of said air mattress as depicted below:

For weeks, our biggest argument was "Whose turn is it to sleep on the lump?" The answer to that question should have been "Buy a futon immediately."

So, no, not everything about my move to New York has been accompanied by a state of unparalleled euphoria, but in all honesty, a big part of it has. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm writing my own story. I'm writing the whole thing. I'm finally listening to and acting on my own intuition instead of the "shoulds" in the back of my mind. It is empowering to realize that not everyone needs to like me, but as long as I'm true to myself, no one can take away my authenticity.

This year, I've managed to crawl out of my very deep and dark hole. It hasn't been easy and the living isn't easier out here, but it is clearer. I know that I'm living with more intention now. I'm not at the end of my journey by any means, but this feels like a good time to share these reflections with you. Thank you for being part of my year of growth. Thank you for fueling my first timid wisps of self-assurance with abounding support and encouragement. Thank you for helping me see that I don't need your permission to follow my intuition and live for me.